Report on Retreat

Getting there was the first experience. I rode with a friend and since she didn't have the directions, I figured I was navigating. We both knew sorta where we were going. We left at 4:30 and thought we'd be there by at least 6:00 so we would have time to eat before it started at 7:00. My friend was the piano player for the event so she needed to be there a little before 7:00. We got there a little before 7:00, like 6:45 without dinner. The retreat was in a fast-growing area so the freeway was a dream with a million stop lights. We never did find the road the directions told us to turn on, but somehow we made it anyway. We had an ice breaker where you find people who match the comment in the box, like "Someone wearing blue." The problem with that was I'm so blind I couldn't read the comments. I know. I need to get my eyes checked. I'm just getting old and blind, what can I say. I won a door prize, but not the one I wanted. One of the little old ladies won the full body massage. The music was good and the speaker was good. When I'm going to have time to do the things she suggested, I have no idea. I felt a little left out because no one ever sat by me. (Except my friend when she was done playing the piano.) That seems to happen to our family wherever we go. My friend and I had fun together, although I did have to stop trying to help her get where we were going because she doesn't drive the same way I do. We did some shopping afterwards. I got some jewelry for the girls. I'm not very good at shopping for me. I got a few more smiles at church on Sunday from some of the ladies. So it was a good time.

I'm running away from home

I'm going on a ladies retreat tonight, and I'm a little nervous. I've never been on one of these before and I'm going this time because I didn't have a good excuse this time. Last year, the high school band trip was the same weekend. I've never felt like I fit in with the other ladies. I don't always feel very included either. As I told you in my first blog, I'm a bit of a dinosaur. I've also been more comfortable with guys. Maybe it's because I only had a brother, no sisters. Maybe it's because in high school I was in ROTC and on the rifle team. I like football and other sports. (As a spectator of course.) I can talk cars and identify military airplanes by silhouette. I have to admit, though, that there is a down side to guys. They're gross.

Well, I better go make that meatloaf.

All came back alive

Everyone survived the field trip. I did have to hold one little boy's hand, but I didn't wring his neck. I'm pro field trips, but why does every other kid in the state of Texas go to the same place on the same day as my group? We took 4 buses with 130 kids, but when we got ready to leave, we only had 3 buses. Seems the other bus driver wasn't a regular driver but an electrician for the district. Every field trip I've ever been on has had bus troubles. We had to cram everyone on 3 buses and three people had to take roll on each bus to make sure we didn't forget any of the little monsters darlings. As I called out the names they kept telling me that person was on another bus. I finally yelled at them that if I wasn't calling their name they needed to "Shut up!" Luckily the teacher stepped on the bus about that time so I had a little back up. You also need to understand that I hate to say shut up. To me it's just rude, crude, and socially unacceptable. My kids know when I say that, I've had way more than enough and another room would be a good place for them to be. By the time we got back to the school, I was thinking a sedative sounded pretty good.

One more time

After the fiasco at the cattlemen's museum, I'm surprised, but pleased, that the school is letting Mayhem # 2 and the rest of the other 7th graders go on another field trip. Tomorrow we go to the science museum. They are studying forensics in science and there is an exhibit at the museum. Last night she had to come home, watch the news, and take notes about two women who were abducted and locked in their car trunk. They were located through the cell phone tower they were using while they talked to police. The class was going to discuss the clues the police might have to follow to solve the case. This story led off the news and she was frantically taking notes. At the end of the news cast, they said the police would be holding a news conference soon because it was a hoax. She asked, "Mom, what's a hoax?" I had to spell it for her too. The teacher was most disappointed about the turn of events. Anyway, pray for us as we go on our trip, because if I catch one of these hooligans out of line, there's gonna be a crime scene!

Bon Apetit

Lee, this blog’s for you. (or should I say Chef Pincotti?)

Mayhem # 2 has a project in her Texas history class. They are researching the immigrants who came to Texas in the 1800’s or earlier. She chose the Irish. One of the things they have to have is a recipe from their people group. I told her haggis was out right off the bat. (I know that’s really Scottish, but she couldn’t decide which group she wanted.) Being the ever observant Mom, I noticed a recipe book the library had displayed around St. Patrick’s Day on Irish cooking. We looked through it last night and we’re alternately amused and grossed out. First she was appalled that 90% of the recipes contained some type of alcohol. I taught drug prevention classes at the school for six years so I guess it sunk in. Mayhem # 1 was amused with the recipes that contained Guinness. That’s her new favorite commercial. “Brilliant!” Most of the desserts were somewhat normal. However, the tea ice cream, whiskey parfait, and the Irish coffee jelly didn’t sound very appealing. The main courses seemed to be the most interesting. There was the tripe casserole or sweetbread and chicken souffle. Then we have the list of other body parts: calves’ brains in puff pastry; calves’ liver with marrow; pressed ox tongue; pigs’ feet with mustard sauce; loin of lamb in puff pastry; stuffed shoulder of connemara lamb; stewed ox tail; pheasants’ breasts in puff pastry with grapes and brandy sauce (That just sounds wrong!) ; and grilled chicken joints with fresh tarragon. Are you feeling all right, cause there’s more. How about some rabbit rabble, pigeon souffle, dressed crab (I prefer mine dressed over naked.), or skate with black butter? One of our “favorites” was the jellied eels. It was special because it contained the whites and shells of two eggs. I guess the shells gave it a little crunch. The other “favorite” was the winkle omelette. The name just killed me, so I had to break out the dictionary and find out what a winkle was. It’s a shellfish that eats clams and oysters by boring through their shell. This recipe also contained a “drop of anchovy essence.” Wellll doggies!

"To Serve You Better"

You know that when you see a sign that says, "Pardon our mess. We're remodeling to serve you better." whatever establishment you are in is lying through their teeth. Such as the grocery store that has installed the self check out lanes. Now after I've spent an hour trying to find what I like (which isn't always easy because they've discontinued it from last week) I have to check out the groceries too. Before I'd just put them on the counter and let the cashier do everything. Now I have to take the items out of the cart and scan them, put them in the bag, when the bag is full I have to put it back in the cart but that's impossible because my cart is still full of the rest of my groceries. Plus you have to slap the screen a few times because it knows you picked up the bag of groceries and it wants you to put it back. And while you are trying to scan your items the screen keeps telling you you're not doing it right. When you get to the produce, you have to type in the first three letters of the item. A whole lot of chaos happens when your screen can't find large limes, only small limes. You have to flag down some help. The help gets things going again, but then it's not ringing up the sale price. Flag down the help again and let them try to figure out how to override the price. Once everthing is scanned, then I get to scan my coupons, of which the screen only recognizes half. Flag down the help. Since I write a check for my groceries, I get to go see the help at another counter so they can take my check. So let me get this straight, I shop for my groceries, unload and scan my items, bag them, put them back in the cart, scan my coupons, go write my check, and take my groceries to the car, because there's not a bag boy in sight. What I want to know is, "When are they going to start paying me?"

I went to the store last week and discovered that things are about to get worse. Now you will be able to take a hand-held scanner with you as you shop and scan as you go. You will also have to put in a code on the produce scales so it can print a bar code label for you. Up until now only the froo froo market had those. I'll step off my soap box now, but I'm afraid I'll be looking for a new grocery store. One that doesn't want "To Serve Me Better."

Ta Da

Look! We're all here. Well, maybe not everyone because I'm sure I forgot someone, and for that I apologize. Now I can find yall from my place instead of Mr. Mayhem's place.

So embarrassed

Tuesday I went on a field trip with Mayhem #2 and about 40 other kids to the Cattlemen's Museum. Only in Texas. There were seven adults. The teacher broke the kids into six groups and she was going to float among the groups. The kids were told to stay with their group and not touch anything except the buttons that would make the little speeches about what you're looking at. These instructions were given at least twice. I had nine kids in my group and as soon as we walked into the exhibit area they scattered. All except Mayhem #2 and her friend. After about 5 minutes, the teacher called everyone together and told them that people were touching things because the alarms were going off. We had to leave the museum early because the alarms continued to go off so much that they had to turn them off. Another bus load of kids had gone earlier in the day and the museum praised them for being so good. Because of our kids, the two groups that were suppose to go Wed. couldn't go unless they had at least 10 chaperones. That was a subtle way of saying, "Don't come back." The really sad part was that many of the kids who were disobeying were the "honors" kids. The smart ones who you know know better. I've told my girls that being smart doesn't mean you know how to behave. I was afraid that this fiasco would keep the science class from going to the science museum, but I think that's still on for later this month. The trouble makers aren't suppose to go though. Mayhem #2 is excited about the science museum because they're studying forensics. If I'm going, there better not be any gross stuff. Some how I think I'm out of luck. I'm going and it will probably be gross.

The Pressure

I have a small problem guys. (The term "guys" means everyone and comes from watching too much Magnum P.I.. The main greeting was "Hi guys.") I'm a slow reader and I can't seem to get to everyone's blogs. Then it takes longer to think up comments. And sometimes I don't leave comments because I'm afraid I may not understand exactly what you're talking about and I don't want to show my ignorance. I have lots of blog ideas, but it takes time to get it all down. I have to be grammatically correct or Mr. Mayhem will correct it. (In case you didn't know. He knows everything.) So, I apologize for not getting to everyone's blog everyday. (Mr. Mayhem is laughing at this because he knows I mean it.) Remember, I'm new at this and please stop typing and scrolling so fast!

"They call him Flipper..."

I had to take Mayhem #1 dress shopping Friday night. Just getting out of the house was a comedy of errors, but we made it to the mall with two hours to shop. We did the typical cruise through the first store to check out what they had, and then proceeded to cruise through every other store in the mall because they may have something better and cheaper. Then it's back to the first store to buy something. The tone for the evening was set in the first store. She decided she didn't want anything that looked "suity". She wanted the drapey chiffon stuff. She pointed one out that had "bubbles" on it. I just busted out laughing. The dress was blue-green with trails of blue, green and white dots. I had to explain that that was the background for the opening credits of an old 70's show about a dolphin named Flipper. She tried it on anyway and luckily it didn't work. I don't think I could've looked at it without thinking, "Flipper." Of course I had to explain the show to her and sing the theme song. She thought everyone would be rescuing Flipper and I said no he was usually rescuing the people. She said, "Like Lassie under water." Yeah.

We also were looking at formals. You know. We have until the middle of May to find just the right one for band banquet. If you don't start now, the one you want will be gone. That's the other reason we had to cruise through the whole mall. Here we are in a little tiny dressing room with these huge dresses. She's whining about them being itchy. I'm telling her, "Wear a slip." I accidently picked up one that was completely strapless. I said, "Try it on. What the heck." (You have to understand. She's very modest, and this hot pink strapless gown was a shocker.) I'm behind her hooking hooks and zipping zippers and she says, "Mom, I don't think I can breathe." To which I responded, "Breathing's not allowed in this dress. What do you think holds it up? None of these dresses are made to be comfortable. They're made to make you look good." She's still thinking about that one.

Drama Mama

A couple of weeks ago Mayhem #2 tried out for a part in the UIL One Act Play. The play is The Princess and the Pea, and, of course, she wanted to be the head princess. You have to understand. This is the kid, that when younger, threw these amazing temper tantrums. Mr. Mayhem and I would stand and applaud and say, "The Oscar goes to..." Last year, the high school did The Music Man and they needed some younger kids for the crowd scenes. She winds up with the part of Amaryllis, partly because she can play the piano. She had to tease a boy, steal a scene, and play the piano badly. I told her, "There's no acting involved. You've been type-cast!" Last year, she got a minor part in the One Act Play, and the week before competition, she becomes one of the four major characters. She was the red-headed albino gypsy. Unfortunately, she didn't get a part in this year's play. She was devastated. Last week the teacher asked her if she would be the stage manager. We found out that she would be responsible for the props and their placement, as well as, making sure the actors were where they were suppose to be. And since our school is hosting the competition this year, she'd have to tell the other schools where their stuff went and where they needed to go. So basically she gets to boss everybody around. "Great, type-cast again!"

O S U R Part Deux

One of these days Mr. Mayhem is just gonna be dead...cuz I'm gonna kill him! The family went out to eat last night without Mayhem #2 who is on a student council retreat. We decided to go somewhere she doesn't like, and the choice was Razzoo's. Cajun is way too spicy for her and besides the bus stopped at McDonalds. We figured she go to eat out too. (Ssshhh. Don't tell. She'll be jealous. Unfortunately, we ran into her science teacher on the way out. If he says something to her next week we're busted.) Anyway, it must have been training night because we had a new waitress. There was also a brand new bus boy. We overheard the instructions about wiping off the table and the fact that the salt went in front of the sugar packets and the pepper went in of the Sweet & Low packets. We were waiting to order (which is something you do when you have a new waitress) when Mr. Mayhem reaches over and moves the salt and pepper so that they are longer in the appropriate places. I told him he was going to get that poor boy fired on his first night. I thought, "OK he'll put it back before we leave." While we're waiting on our food, I look down and he's taking all the sugar packets out of the holder and switching places with the Sweet & Low packets. He asks, "Is anybody going to help me?" What do you think, Bonehead? Mayhem #1 is trying to stay in her chair while she's laughing. I look around the room and inform Mr. Mayhem that our little sugar holder is now backwards compared to all the other tables. "It is? Really?" Believe me, "Momma has had enough!"

O S U R

You've heard the saying, "I can't take you anywhere." Well it applies to Mr. Mayhem. I informed all the Mayhems Monday morning that both schools had open house that night. I was the only one who knew that. Why am I not surprised? And why do they have both campuses have open house on the same night. It blows the whole night. Luckily the girls only had homework from two teachers each. Gee, "Come to open house, but do all 87 pages of homework too." I just don't get it. Back to Mr. Mayhem. In every classroom we had to wait to speak to the teachers until another parent was through. While I'm standing near the teacher waiting quietly, Mr. Mayhem is horsing around with the little Mayhems and making them squeal and/or bump into things. He's picking them up and carrying them around the room. I give him the, "Mom has had enough look," and he straightens up long enough to talk to the teacher. We move on to the next room and start all over again. We did this 14 times!!! The last room he makes a Kramer-style entrance. I guess he was trying to impress the French teacher. As we were leaving he said his ADHD must have kicked in. He kept getting bored. I'm not buying it.

Politics? Me?

I've decided to wade into a very political issue around here. If I can wrest the computer away from the all the Mayhems today, I'm going to write a letter to the local school board about the dress code and lack of enforcement. This may sound like a petty issue to you, however, I feel that fixing this might fix alot of the discipline problems that we have. My theory is that if you have a rule you enforce it. By not enforcing it, it leaves the adults open for disrespect by the kids. The kids also figure out, "If I can get away with this, what else can I get away with?" Right now, though there is an overall district policy, each campus is different. And sometimes it changes from day to day. I'm suggesting going to a uniform. Nothing drastic. Something like blue or khaki slacks with certain colored polo-type shirts or oxfords. In the past, the argument has been that things get brought up so late in the year that people have already bought school clothes by the time changes are suggested. (That's why I'm starting now.) People have also said that it would be too expensive. Gee, you have to buy the kids school clothes anyway. Most of these clothes are no more expensive that jeans and t-shirts. Alot of the kids that I, as a tax-payer, buy breakfast and lunch for throw the lunch away and spend $5 on ice-cream and cookies every day. My kids don't have $5 to spend on junk. They even refuse to eat a school lunch. I oughta know. I make three different lunches every morning. (Heaven forbid that anyone should like the same thing.) Anyway, I've talked to my friend who is on the school board and she says that they will consider any letter that is signed. I hope I'm not burning all the bridges I've built over the last 12 years. I honestly think this would help the whole district. And besides I'm tired of seeing the guys boxers and the girls thongs!

The family and the church

I better write this now because I've discovered that I come up with things to blog and when I sit down to do it later, I've forgotten what those great ideas were.

I heard a Focus on the Family minute this morning on the radio and usually what they have to say is pretty useless or "Well duh?" Anyway, the guy said that many churches failed because the families failed and they failed because they didn't teach Christian values and morals at home but left it up to the Sunday School teacher once a week. I don't necessarily disagree with that, but I have a couple of points to go with it. Alot of the churches I have been in are not family friendly. The first thing they do when you walk in the door is pull everyone to their own SS class. I do agree with age appropriate teaching, and I do agree with adult SS parties without kids, because otherwise it's a free for all. However, I am not a children's church advocate. Children need to see their parents worship and they need to know that it's important to the parents. I'm not saying that learning can't happen in children's church, but it's the parents' job to teach the child how to worship. Many parents find it inconvenient to have the kids in church. They say, "I can't worship or listen to the sermon." That's selfish. I remember the days when I didn't hear much of the sermon. I also remember hauling my girls out, busting their bottoms, and bringing them back in. I never took them to the nursery because then they would figure out that if they acted up they got to play. (I am talking about when they are old enough to know better, not when they were babies.) Our church use to have children's choir during Sunday evening services because the parents wouldn't come if there wasn't something for the kids to do. I believe that the family should worship together. Our girls have never sat with the youth group. Not because we didn't allow it, they just didn't want to. Now the youth group sits with us. More than once I've been on the front pew because there was no room. All four of us play in the handbell choir and it's nice to do that together. Plus we can all go at one time. Once again, I spend a great deal of time going back and forth. I also disagree with the practice of having the children's activities on Wed. night run late. It's just not family friendly. It's a school night and the kids all have homework. These days, the girls get home maybe by 4:15, and that's with no activities after school. We eat at 5:00 and leave for church by 5:30. We usually get home around 8:00. I like to have them go to bed around 9:00 or 9:30. (They are not night owls or morning people. They're only good around lunch.) Doesn't leave alot of time for homework or showers or family.

I better tell you my other point. I've already forgotten it twice. Many people say, "I can't make my teenager go to church." Yes you can. You're the parent! Your job is to teach and guide them, not be their friend. And this training is the most important. They need to know that corporate worship is important, Bible study is important, being with other Christians is important, and they need to know that having God in all aspects of their life is important. And people think they will learn that if they let them sleep in every Sunday? I don't think so. Ok, ok. Stepping down now. Good day.

Oops

I found an oops in the fish tank last night. About a month ago, I bought a girlfriend for the boy swordtail. His name is Legolas. I've been looking for baby swordtails and wondering what's the hold up. These fish are livebearers so you have to put them in a net cage or everyone has a snack. I noticed that the girlfriend was growing a sword from her tail. That's bad you see because only boys have swords. (Get your mind out of the gutter.) Does anyone need a boy swordtail?

$1.25!!!

I just about had a stroke over $1.25 this morning. I ran one of those errands for the family this morning. I went downtown to the library. Mostly because Mr. Mayhem took a book on his trip and it was due this past Monday. (You owe me a buck and a half.) I decided to take back all 87 books that I had checked out for the girls since I was going because their books were due next Monday. Save myself a trip. Remember I plan. Anyway, you can park in one of the parking garages for free if the library validates your little parking ticket. It's free for the first hour and then $1.25 for the next hour. I had to pay the last time I went so I noted the time on the ticket as well as the time on the clock in the car and my watch. You also need to understand that I don't go to the library for myself very often. You see I'm a slow reader and since I just got a new book for my birthday, I'm good for a while. I kept an eye on my watch so I would have enough time to walk the block to the garage and drive down. I did have to spend a little extra time getting books for a social studies project for Mayhem #2. I pulled up to the booth at 10:01, exactly one hour by my calculations. She said I was over by 3 minutes, "1.25 please." I commented that I didn't think the clocks were set the same and she said that other people got back from the library in an hour. (Of course other people don't have to find 87 books for two teenagers who read when they should be doing other things. I'll discuss that another time. ) I fumed all the way home. I found the phone number and called them and informed them that their clocks were out of synch. She apologized and said that they usually give a five minute grace period for the library patrons. I'll have to check those clocks next time. I guess since I've gotten older (The girls won't let me say I'm old.) I don't feel like putting up with these situations where I wind up on the wrong end of things. One of these days I'll have to tell you the bra story.

The rest of the clan

I thought since I'd told you about the turtles, I'd better tell you about the rest of the pets...the fish. I just have a small tank with the standard mollies, sword tails, catfish, and guppies. Does anyone need some guppies? I have a whole bunch. The girls have even named one of them Gimli. They are so weird. My limited expertise has led to taking care of tanks for different institutions. As a volunteer of course, because somewhere on me it says, "Sucker." First it was at the elementary school. Now that I've graduated out of the elementary school, I have two 115 gallon tanks at church in our new building. I don't mind the job because I enjoy the fish, except for the little rosey barbs that bite me when I'm working. I yell at them and thump them. If they were big fish I'd let the pastor go fishing in there. It does get interesting when I have to go in up to my arm pit to arrange the plants. Plus one of the tanks has a design flaw. Well, the tank doesn't have a design flaw, but the slot in the wall where they put the tank has a design flaw. I know some man designed this thing and didn't think. The space is only 6 1/2 inches taller than the tank. I have just enough space to open the door. I have to get the long tongs out of the kitchen to reach the bottom of the tank because I can't get above it. (I hope you followed that.) Plus there is a wooden piece that comes down and latches to cover the light on top, and there is nothing to hold it open when I'm working. I told them I'm on strike until they get that fixed so it will stay open. I'm tired of getting beat up. So the moral of this story is be careful what you know. Someone will have a job for you.

I was right!

Mr. Mayhem made it home this morning. And he did change my password on my e-mail account. That wasn't very nice.



Now that we've had our February snow, we're having our February rain. And I saw the first sign of spring yesterday. Euripides was out of hibernation. Euripides is one of our two box turtles. They live in the backyard in a 12 X12 foot pen. I just want to say that I didn't name either turtle. Mr. Mayhem named Euripides. The girls named the other one. He's Harry. Short for Harry Houdini. He has a tendency to disappear and/or escape. I didn't see him yesterday so I have no idea where he is. We've had Euripides for nine years. Mayhem #2 use to read him books and show him the pictures. Then she would say, "Mom, he smiled at me." We picked him up out of the road when we were at Granpa's house. Euripides is physically challenged. He only has three feet. He has four legs, but something like a cow or deer probably stepped on him. Fortunately, we don't have to build special ramps or parking places for him. It doesn't seem to slow him down any. Harry has only been here a couple of years. One of the teachers at the elementary school "saved" him off the road, but her husband wouldn't let her keep it. Everyone knew I had a turtle because I always took Euripides for show and tell. So I inherited another. Getting the turtle to start with came about because Mayhem #1 has asthma. No furry animals allowed. But guess who takes care of them? All of this to say, "It's spring!" Phooey on the groundhog. The turtle knows.

Mr. Mayhem returns

I know some of you are wondering where Mr. Mayhem disappeared to. He went to check on his dad over the weekend. When he got there he found out that his dad had a doctor's appointment today so he stayed over to go with him. He's probably somewhere in the netherworld tonight. Oklahoma. I'll be glad to have him back. Besides, I wanted to check my e-mail and I can't remember how to get there. I think he changed my password. I'm blaming it on him anyway.